Not sure if anyone still reads my blog, but I wrote this on the discussion board for my existentialism class..
I haven't posted anything on here at the risk of sounding fake. Plus, I don't really think anyone reads these, or actually gives a shit about what I have to say. If you are reading this it's probably because you were looking for a short thread that you can read quickly and respond half heartedly to in hopes of getting a better grade. If you actually care, well then I'm sorry for judging, I guess.
Anyway, this happened to me a while back and I guess I decided it would be worthwhile to post - even if all you phonies are reading it for a grade.
A few months ago, I was at work during a pretty heavy rainstorm (I work graveyard shifts, so this was probably at 3am). It had proven to be a pretty miserable shift and all I kept thinking about was how badly I wanted to be in the middle of the rainstorm free from my moaning and groaning patients. There was no way I was going to go out in the rain and get fired (they pay me way too much for that), but there was also no way I was going to be happy about it.
After mentally bitching for 10 hours I got in my car and on the 210 freeway to drive home. It was still raining and visibility was almost 0. All of a sudden, traffic came to a complete standstill. I was instantly upset. I began to think things like, "Of course this would happen today - of all FUCKING DAYS!!!" After about 10 minutes of sitting in my car in misery, I started to think about existentialism class and about freedom. I figured Russell was full of shit because there was no way I had any freedom in that situation. I kept bitching and moaning until I realized that there was absolutely no reason why I couldn't be in the rain. I rolled down my windows, opened the sunroof and let the rain fall on me and in to my car. I sat there for about 5 minutes absorbing every second and not thinking a thing. It was the most liberating moment of my life.
After that, I quickly realized that I also had the choice to not ruin the leather in my car and closed all the windows.
Since then I haven't felt trapped - not even in frustrating situations. I have noticed that I now look at the world and say, "'Why not?' instead of 'Why?'"
Well not all the time, I'd be lying if I said I did that all the time.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Monday, August 24, 2009
Andiestotle...
I had my first day of classes today and it went pretty well. One thing made me particularly happy, though. I was sitting in my History up to the 16th century class, and the professor asked us what our definition of intelligence was. He said that he particularly liked Aristotle's definition and was wondering what we thought. I am not the kind of person that just instantly raises their hand. I prefer to see if anyone else gets it right, and if they do, I compare it to my answer to see how close I was. Anyway, about 6 people answered, but none of them got it right, so I thought I'd give it a shot. I raised my hand and told the professor that I believed intelligence was the ability to take the things you learn and observe and relate them to each other. He smiled and said, "What Andrea has said is exactly what Aristotle said."
I could not have been happier.
I could not have been happier.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
a little more "me" and a little less religion
I have been doing a lot of thinking recently and I decided that my blog wasn't really "me" enough. I edited the layout a bit and I think it better represents myself and my struggles. The idea of space and time completely baffles and amazes me, thus the picture at the top. You guys may think it's heinous, but I like it.
On a more serious note, I have been doing a lot of thinking these last few years. I have been tackling the concept of religion, morality, deities, and the afterlife. My main goal being truth, I have been searching for understanding and answers for a long time and I feel as though I have made a conclusion. Well, not a definite conclusion, I feel that the power to cogitate (I know.. good word, right?) goes hand in hand with the power to change your mind freely. I know some of you already know this, but I wanted to make a formal announcement of my current decision. I formally renounce any association with any religion - as a whole. I would now consider myself somewhere between agnostic and atheist.
I am going to go through a brief list of my reasons and explanations as best I can. Please forgive me for anything that is confusing. It is very hard to explain what goes on in my mind. Also, I want to say that I have never and do not now hold any kind of judgment towards you, my dear, dear friends, who may believe differently. It is my firm belief that if you allow me the freedom to express my thoughts and conclusions maturely, I will do the same for you. With that said, I continue...
One of my main reasons for my new belief (or lack of belief I should say..) is my issue with moral relativism. Who is to say what is right and what is wrong? I realize that there are ethical laws that must be followed by humanity in order for it to co-exist with itself. I do not deny that murder and rape are harmful to humanity as a whole. However, I cannot, nor will I ever be able to, tell you what the offender was thinking. Whenever I bring up the issue of moral relativism the holocaust always seems to be brought up. I want to say a few things about that. No I do not think Hitler should have slaughtered countless people. No I do not think that was the "right" thing to do. I cannot, however, tell you if Hitler himself, in his mind, thought he was honestly doing the right thing. He did bring prosperity to his country, among other things that can be seen as "good". I see a small parallel in what the holocaust did for Germany, and what Manifest Destiny did for this country. We came to settle California by misplacing and slaughtering not only people, but entire cultures. This was and still at times is seen as "good". I believe the Native Americans would beg to differ. I understand that it was on a much smaller scale than the holocaust, I am merely attmepting to explain the tangled web of thoughts I have.
The next thing I would like to address is how religion can be detrimental to humanity. Please note that when I speak of religion I do not solely speak of Christianity, I speak of any and all religions that exist. The amount of humans that are killed over the issue of religion is almost unbelievable. The conflicts that arise from one group of people believing they are right, and therefore better than, another could be completely avoided without the issue of religion. Oceans of blood seep into the dirt because of a "who's going to heaven the right way" battle. It seems childish and absurd in my mind. All it does is divide us into the "not so smart humans" and "saved humans" categories. The other issue I have with this is the belief that comes from thinking you are "right" or "saved". Once someone believes they are right, then in turn, everyone else is wrong, thus the former believes to be the superior being. This is NEVER a good thing, unless it's in math class.
I want to avoid making a blanket statement here. I speak of the masses, not of the religious people who are loving and tolerant. I want to exclude people like Alaina, my best friend, who through all the conversations and disagreements has continued to love me and treat me as an equal. She is in Israel serving and loving people there, and I congratulate her whole-heartedly for doing what she believes is right and for promoting humanity's general welfare. I could not thank her, and those like her, more for being so understanding and respectful of my thoughts. These are the people, regardless of what belief system they are a part of, that should run this world, for they will save it.
To me the circle of life is a beautiful thing. The way everything on our Earth works together in this perfect ecosystem is astounding. While some may see this as an argument for a higher being, I see it as an argument against. Well, I mostly see it as an argument against an afterlife. What could be more beautiful then coming from the Earth, fulfilling your life's purpose (whatever it may be), and becoming a part of her again in death? The idea of this brings me peace. Death is natural, it should not be feared. The means of death is a different story, but death itself, should not be feared. I feel that if there was somewhere else to go after this life, it would demean the importance of this life. It breeds colonies of people who are not worried about what they do here because it's where they go later that matters. What kind of life is that? Not one I want to lead.
The last thing I want to address is the issue of my happiness. I have many people say that if I reject religion I will never be "truly happy". I do not like, or agree, with this statement. I am happier than I have ever been in my entire life at this moment. I know where I have been and I do not regret it, for it has brought me to where I am today. I feel genuinely happy and I believe that I truly am. Is it the devil's trickery? If so, I have yet to see through it.
I would like to thank the people I have spoken with in the last few years for their thought provoking insights. Especially those in the more recent past. You know who you are and I love you all.
I appreciate any and all comments from you. I also could not thank you more for the time you have given my thoughts. Again, I love you all regardless of your beliefs and I hope you can do the same.
Much love,
Andie
On a more serious note, I have been doing a lot of thinking these last few years. I have been tackling the concept of religion, morality, deities, and the afterlife. My main goal being truth, I have been searching for understanding and answers for a long time and I feel as though I have made a conclusion. Well, not a definite conclusion, I feel that the power to cogitate (I know.. good word, right?) goes hand in hand with the power to change your mind freely. I know some of you already know this, but I wanted to make a formal announcement of my current decision. I formally renounce any association with any religion - as a whole. I would now consider myself somewhere between agnostic and atheist.
I am going to go through a brief list of my reasons and explanations as best I can. Please forgive me for anything that is confusing. It is very hard to explain what goes on in my mind. Also, I want to say that I have never and do not now hold any kind of judgment towards you, my dear, dear friends, who may believe differently. It is my firm belief that if you allow me the freedom to express my thoughts and conclusions maturely, I will do the same for you. With that said, I continue...
One of my main reasons for my new belief (or lack of belief I should say..) is my issue with moral relativism. Who is to say what is right and what is wrong? I realize that there are ethical laws that must be followed by humanity in order for it to co-exist with itself. I do not deny that murder and rape are harmful to humanity as a whole. However, I cannot, nor will I ever be able to, tell you what the offender was thinking. Whenever I bring up the issue of moral relativism the holocaust always seems to be brought up. I want to say a few things about that. No I do not think Hitler should have slaughtered countless people. No I do not think that was the "right" thing to do. I cannot, however, tell you if Hitler himself, in his mind, thought he was honestly doing the right thing. He did bring prosperity to his country, among other things that can be seen as "good". I see a small parallel in what the holocaust did for Germany, and what Manifest Destiny did for this country. We came to settle California by misplacing and slaughtering not only people, but entire cultures. This was and still at times is seen as "good". I believe the Native Americans would beg to differ. I understand that it was on a much smaller scale than the holocaust, I am merely attmepting to explain the tangled web of thoughts I have.
The next thing I would like to address is how religion can be detrimental to humanity. Please note that when I speak of religion I do not solely speak of Christianity, I speak of any and all religions that exist. The amount of humans that are killed over the issue of religion is almost unbelievable. The conflicts that arise from one group of people believing they are right, and therefore better than, another could be completely avoided without the issue of religion. Oceans of blood seep into the dirt because of a "who's going to heaven the right way" battle. It seems childish and absurd in my mind. All it does is divide us into the "not so smart humans" and "saved humans" categories. The other issue I have with this is the belief that comes from thinking you are "right" or "saved". Once someone believes they are right, then in turn, everyone else is wrong, thus the former believes to be the superior being. This is NEVER a good thing, unless it's in math class.
I want to avoid making a blanket statement here. I speak of the masses, not of the religious people who are loving and tolerant. I want to exclude people like Alaina, my best friend, who through all the conversations and disagreements has continued to love me and treat me as an equal. She is in Israel serving and loving people there, and I congratulate her whole-heartedly for doing what she believes is right and for promoting humanity's general welfare. I could not thank her, and those like her, more for being so understanding and respectful of my thoughts. These are the people, regardless of what belief system they are a part of, that should run this world, for they will save it.
To me the circle of life is a beautiful thing. The way everything on our Earth works together in this perfect ecosystem is astounding. While some may see this as an argument for a higher being, I see it as an argument against. Well, I mostly see it as an argument against an afterlife. What could be more beautiful then coming from the Earth, fulfilling your life's purpose (whatever it may be), and becoming a part of her again in death? The idea of this brings me peace. Death is natural, it should not be feared. The means of death is a different story, but death itself, should not be feared. I feel that if there was somewhere else to go after this life, it would demean the importance of this life. It breeds colonies of people who are not worried about what they do here because it's where they go later that matters. What kind of life is that? Not one I want to lead.
The last thing I want to address is the issue of my happiness. I have many people say that if I reject religion I will never be "truly happy". I do not like, or agree, with this statement. I am happier than I have ever been in my entire life at this moment. I know where I have been and I do not regret it, for it has brought me to where I am today. I feel genuinely happy and I believe that I truly am. Is it the devil's trickery? If so, I have yet to see through it.
I would like to thank the people I have spoken with in the last few years for their thought provoking insights. Especially those in the more recent past. You know who you are and I love you all.
I appreciate any and all comments from you. I also could not thank you more for the time you have given my thoughts. Again, I love you all regardless of your beliefs and I hope you can do the same.
Much love,
Andie
Saturday, August 8, 2009
responsibilities...
so lately i have been thinking about my responsibilities. i never really thought about it, but they're pretty big for a person of my age. Well.. maybe not. I'm just amazed at that the thought that I moved out at age 17 and survived.
I guess this has all sparked from Trent's dad deciding that he likes me because I'm responsible (because I go to school, have a job, and have an apartment of my own). Then, I had a returning patient today in the lab whose husband came in and said that I should be proud of myself for handling my responsibilities so well. It made me happy. Of course I am not handling it all alone. My parents pay my rent, and everything else is up to me.
I don't know, I guess thinking back on a year ago - alot has changed. I went from having little to no responsibilities - to having a lot. I do have to say that I like it better now. I enjoy doing things for myself and living on my own. I have been in my apartment without a roommate for about 3 months now, and I haven't regretted it yet.
I have found that I really love being alone and taking care of myself. I am really loving the person that I am becoming. I feel as though I have done a lot of growing this past year and for the better. I have found that I am a girl ( don't feel like a women yet!) of my word and that makes me happy. I have also found that I really do enjoy helping people, and that makes me happy. I am learning to love and respect myself and that makes me happy. The thing that I have most recently learned to do is to rely on myself for my own happiness. This has been the greatest discovery yet.
Overall, I am glad to be who I am, and to have been blessed with the life I have had, and lead.
I guess this has all sparked from Trent's dad deciding that he likes me because I'm responsible (because I go to school, have a job, and have an apartment of my own). Then, I had a returning patient today in the lab whose husband came in and said that I should be proud of myself for handling my responsibilities so well. It made me happy. Of course I am not handling it all alone. My parents pay my rent, and everything else is up to me.
I don't know, I guess thinking back on a year ago - alot has changed. I went from having little to no responsibilities - to having a lot. I do have to say that I like it better now. I enjoy doing things for myself and living on my own. I have been in my apartment without a roommate for about 3 months now, and I haven't regretted it yet.
I have found that I really love being alone and taking care of myself. I am really loving the person that I am becoming. I feel as though I have done a lot of growing this past year and for the better. I have found that I am a girl ( don't feel like a women yet!) of my word and that makes me happy. I have also found that I really do enjoy helping people, and that makes me happy. I am learning to love and respect myself and that makes me happy. The thing that I have most recently learned to do is to rely on myself for my own happiness. This has been the greatest discovery yet.
Overall, I am glad to be who I am, and to have been blessed with the life I have had, and lead.
Friday, July 24, 2009
I DID IT!
I did it! I am officially an artist... well kind of. Alaina asked me to paint something to sell at her S.E.N.D. off event and I did and it sold! That makes me an official artist who has officially sold (sort of) a painting!
On a sadder note- Alaina is gone (sort of)! :[
On a sadder note- Alaina is gone (sort of)! :[
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
business cards are done!
The guys at avenue press (www.avenuepress.com) in downey made me some super cool business cards and they're officially done! So, I'm officially official :) Of course the actual business cards aren't pixelated.
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