Not sure if anyone still reads my blog, but I wrote this on the discussion board for my existentialism class..
I haven't posted anything on here at the risk of sounding fake. Plus, I don't really think anyone reads these, or actually gives a shit about what I have to say. If you are reading this it's probably because you were looking for a short thread that you can read quickly and respond half heartedly to in hopes of getting a better grade. If you actually care, well then I'm sorry for judging, I guess.
Anyway, this happened to me a while back and I guess I decided it would be worthwhile to post - even if all you phonies are reading it for a grade.
A few months ago, I was at work during a pretty heavy rainstorm (I work graveyard shifts, so this was probably at 3am). It had proven to be a pretty miserable shift and all I kept thinking about was how badly I wanted to be in the middle of the rainstorm free from my moaning and groaning patients. There was no way I was going to go out in the rain and get fired (they pay me way too much for that), but there was also no way I was going to be happy about it.
After mentally bitching for 10 hours I got in my car and on the 210 freeway to drive home. It was still raining and visibility was almost 0. All of a sudden, traffic came to a complete standstill. I was instantly upset. I began to think things like, "Of course this would happen today - of all FUCKING DAYS!!!" After about 10 minutes of sitting in my car in misery, I started to think about existentialism class and about freedom. I figured Russell was full of shit because there was no way I had any freedom in that situation. I kept bitching and moaning until I realized that there was absolutely no reason why I couldn't be in the rain. I rolled down my windows, opened the sunroof and let the rain fall on me and in to my car. I sat there for about 5 minutes absorbing every second and not thinking a thing. It was the most liberating moment of my life.
After that, I quickly realized that I also had the choice to not ruin the leather in my car and closed all the windows.
Since then I haven't felt trapped - not even in frustrating situations. I have noticed that I now look at the world and say, "'Why not?' instead of 'Why?'"
Well not all the time, I'd be lying if I said I did that all the time.
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I still read it. :)
ReplyDeleteSomething similar happened to me one time on the 605. It started raining so hard, that every car on the freeway came to a stop for a few minutes. It was a cool experience. All of us going through the same thing, stopped on a freeway.
I didn't roll down any windows, but it was still neat. :)
see things like that are why i love you. you know i would be right there doin it along side you :) I love you bee and just so you know, i still read this! (and yes, because i actually care)
ReplyDeleteI never read your blog, until now.
ReplyDeleteEvery once in awhile, someone says something and it just makes so much sense.
I find myself in the same situation as you, always complaining, always thinking I can't believe that everything wrong seems to happen to me all the time and that I deserve some fucking award for being so great for putting up with it. I don't. I always feel trapped and suffocated. I feel pressured by the world around me and that I have to do certain things.I just don't know what to do.
Hopefully I have a revelation as life changing as yours some day. Just not now.
nathan and alaina: I am glad the two of you read it because you care! The part about not caring was mostly to the students in my class because the teacher says we SHOULD write because it MAY help our grade. Plus, it is a GE class for some and I figure most of the people on the board couldn't care less about anything.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous: I hope this helps!! Although you cannot control everything you can at least control how you feel about it. If you're in to reading there is an amazing book that changed my way of thinking a lot. It is called "Way of the Peaceful Warrior". Good luck!