Existentialism

Not sure if anyone still reads my blog, but I wrote this on the discussion board for my existentialism class..

I haven't posted anything on here at the risk of sounding fake. Plus, I don't really think anyone reads these, or actually gives a shit about what I have to say. If you are reading this it's probably because you were looking for a short thread that you can read quickly and respond half heartedly to in hopes of getting a better grade. If you actually care, well then I'm sorry for judging, I guess.

Anyway, this happened to me a while back and I guess I decided it would be worthwhile to post - even if all you phonies are reading it for a grade.

A few months ago, I was at work during a pretty heavy rainstorm (I work graveyard shifts, so this was probably at 3am). It had proven to be a pretty miserable shift and all I kept thinking about was how badly I wanted to be in the middle of the rainstorm free from my moaning and groaning patients. There was no way I was going to go out in the rain and get fired (they pay me way too much for that), but there was also no way I was going to be happy about it.

After mentally bitching for 10 hours I got in my car and on the 210 freeway to drive home. It was still raining and visibility was almost 0. All of a sudden, traffic came to a complete standstill. I was instantly upset. I began to think things like, "Of course this would happen today - of all FUCKING DAYS!!!" After about 10 minutes of sitting in my car in misery, I started to think about existentialism class and about freedom. I figured Russell was full of shit because there was no way I had any freedom in that situation. I kept bitching and moaning until I realized that there was absolutely no reason why I couldn't be in the rain. I rolled down my windows, opened the sunroof and let the rain fall on me and in to my car. I sat there for about 5 minutes absorbing every second and not thinking a thing. It was the most liberating moment of my life.

After that, I quickly realized that I also had the choice to not ruin the leather in my car and closed all the windows.

Since then I haven't felt trapped - not even in frustrating situations. I have noticed that I now look at the world and say, "'Why not?' instead of 'Why?'"

Well not all the time, I'd be lying if I said I did that all the time.